How to be a Successful Parent ~

Imagine if you could hear kids' thoughts. What if your child was thinking, "I'm confused and insecure when you are unpredictable."

In discipline, children become confused when they hear a rule that is then unenforced or if Mom says one thing but Dad says the opposite. Kids get confused when one day something they do brings laughter but the next day they are scolded for it.

Kids need adults who say what they mean and mean what they say. They need loving, responsible adults who respond to them consistently, using the same words, the same expectations, and the same consequences! In my experience the happy, secure, better behaved kids are the ones who have parents and environments that are predictable.

Synonyms for dependable include: always there, constant, faithful, loyal, responsible, secure, stable, steadfast, steady, trustworthy, unfailing. Do these words apply to your daily discipline?

Remember, you can get a signed copy of my award-winning The Birth to Five Book by sending $12 to me at PO Box 1302, Mount Vernon, OH 43050 (USD and USA shipments only). Check out the picture and description of what you get in The Birth to Five Book at The Parent's Plate radio show.

Change Your Environment

Changing or modifying a child's play or living environment can be a useful tool in helping them develop self-control. It's especially effective on younger children.

What happens when you change a child's environment? It can prevent difficulties from arising as well as done in response to a problematic behavior.

Below is a list for building success into a child's environment. Think of some concrete examples or ideas for every category that you may use. Be creative in how you wish to modify the environment to help promote the child's self-control.

• ORGANIZING helps children learn how to sort, pick up, and find their own things. Organizing increases the child's ability to accomplish self-care tasks. When my daughters were young, I put their books on a lower shelf so they were all together, easy to find, and easy (hopefully for them) to pick up and reshelf.
• ENHANCING the environment involves those activities that make your child's world full of age-appropriate and interesting items. Think of most daycares or preschools where age-appropriate chairs, sand tables, posters, books, wall hangings, and toys are available to children and enrich their curiosity and learning. Is there a way you can rearrange your child's bedroom to help him learn how to spend time alone, occupy himself, develop hobbies, focus, and concentrate?
• SOOTHING is a technique used most often with babies. Simply remove sources of stimulation like the TV or bright lights or bright colors from the environment. When I taught preschool and the children would become over-active, loud, or aggitated, I'd simply lower the lights. By doing so, they'd quiet. Then I could give my instructions in a quieter voice (never add to the volume by screaming over their voices!). What stimulation can you remove today?

-- this is good discipline.

Remember children's "bad" behavior can be avoided or eased through modifying your (their) environment.

Looking for an insightful, practical, and easy read on parenting issues? Try The Birth to Five Book, available on Amazon or buy an autographed copy from me! If you mail $12 (U.S. orders only) to me: P.O. Box 1302 | Mount Vernon, OH 43050, I'll sign & send a book to you.

Effective Discipline

Want to be effective in your discipline? Need help getting your point across? Want to regain control? From my friends at the Child Welfare League of America, here's a list of the what's needed for effective discipline. Many of these I have addressed in my weekly Discipline Tip you receive. I challenge you to print out this list and put it on your bathroom or bedroom mirror, in the kitchen and in the car. Effective discipline requires:

1. Patience;
   
2. Determination;
   
3. Confidence;
   
4. Genuineness and concern;
   
5. Openness;
   
6. Separateness;
   
7. Friendly firmness;
   
8. An understanding of development & the factors that affect development;
   
9. Thorough communication; and
   
10. An understanding of the goal of discipline.
    

In daily discipline -- consider these skills and qualities. Do you have what it takes to be an effective disciplinarian?

Discipline Builds Self-Esteem

Many parents tell me that they don't want their discipline to injure their child's self-esteem. I applaud parents for this sensitivity, however, consistent, respectful discipline BUILDS a child's self-esteem. It sends the message, "I love you enough to care."

What a relief when I learned that self-esteem and self-confidence are different. We teach self-esteem, but confidence comes from experience. Even people with healthy self-esteem occasionally lack confidence.

Teach your child that he/she is worth your discipline. You are being a good parent - and showing love - when you take time to teach your child appropriate behavior.

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