Monday, October 10, 2011

You Change First

Parents (and teachers) often tell me that whatever they do, their kids won't behave. After a bit of dialog I usually hear, "Well, I always . . . . "

If you "always" respond a certain way to misbehavior and your children's behavior doesn't change, you need to try a different response. Funny, when adults change first, the child changes. If your children yell and you always yell back, the cycle continues. But if you whisper you'll probably see a startle reaction and then hear their lowered voice in return. If you always nag when they dawdle, try calmly setting a consequence and give yourself emotional distance. If they continue to dawdle, allow the consequence to happen (no rescuing) and you'll see a change in behavior.

Disciplining children sometimes calls for a new strategy to change habitual behavioral problems. In your daily discipline, remember:
Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.

And remember this, my book The Birth to Five Book: Confident Childrearing Right from the Start is available online or you can order signed copies from me for $12/book (includes free S&H & just for U.S. orders). Simply send your order/payment to me at: P.O. Box 1302, Mount Vernon, OH 43050. As soon as I receive your order, I'll sign/send your book!

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Nannette Gilbert said...

what if you've tried more than one approach and nothing seems to work?

Parenting Expert Brenda Nixon said...

Hmm, good question. Of course I'd have to talk with you to get more details but I know some parents seem, baffled to find what works with their child(ren). My SIL was using time out, putting her daughter in the corner. But her daughter didn't seem to mind. So my SIL thought, what privilege can I remove when my daughter misbehaves? She remembered that her wee one loved going outdoors to play, so that became the removable privilege. My SIL no longer used time out but, instead told her daughter she couldn't go outdoors when she misbehaved. That worked. So, to you I'd suggest finding what has meaning; money, outdoor play, TV, going to bed early, etc and then milk it honey. LOL Seriously, find what "talks" to your child so he/she will internalize the house rules and behave better. Hope this helps.